O Muse
by tmcala
Summary: He let her pass him by. Again. *Songfic/Drabble Collection with Various Characters*
1. No Remains

**No Remains~**

_Even innocence has caught the morning train_  
_And there ain't nobody left but us these days_

* * *

He realizes, looking back over his life (_time which feels lifelong_) spent in this organization, what a paradox it really is. He remembers stepping up onto that platform and standing next to Numbuh 274 (_his hero, his idol, his paragon_), being sworn into a group so selective, so exclusive. That, he decides, is when his childhood ended.

Not then, as many would think, not as he stands so very close to the end. Moments away from his figurative death. The erasure of every single memory that he holds of the past 6 years.

No.

When he entered the _Kids_ Next Door, when he placed his genetic code into that computer, when he made a promise to protect _kids _everywhere, _that _is when his childhood was stolen.

And he loved every single, solitary moment of it.

Perhaps that is why he has become like this. He is not an adult. He will never be an adult. And yet, he is not really a child either. Because what child should _ever_ have to do what he does every day? He has become a living, breathing representation of this organization. It is all he has, all he knows how to be.

He stands, stoic, at the entrance of the chamber, wondering if this realization comes to everyone. It's a punch to the gut, suddenly knowing that it was all kind of a lie. That in a way (_he shudders_), the adults have almost won. And, scarier still, he finds that he is not afraid to _grow up_ because he did that years ago. The moment he took on responsibilities akin to those of an adult. What he is truly afraid of is letting go. Because if he lets go of the Kids Next Door, this blessing not so in disguise, what is left of him?

* * *

**A/N: The song is "These Days" by Bon Jovi and this marks the beginning of my song-fic collection! Basically, I shuffled my Ipod and got twenty songs and we'll see where that takes me. This one I think is about Numbuh 1, but I suppose if you take out the 274 comment, it could be anyone. Hope you enjoyed :D**


	2. The Flaw

**The Flaw~  
**

_There's a scream in your voice_  
_And I hope you will be heard_  
_There's a fire in your eyes_  
_And I hope you'll let it burn  
_

* * *

She is overlooked. And she knows it. They consider her a joke. No threat. Zero on a scale of 1 to 10. Someday, she will prove them all wrong. _All _of them.

The bald one, the fat one, the stupid one, the smart one, the _tag-a-long_. The _ditz_.

The hardest part for her is that no one ever even _questions _it. They all accept it as fact and _move on_. She likes to think that maybe people who don't know her think she is bright, strong. But what if they don't?

Do they forget that everyone is trained in the same way? That she graduated just like all the others? That she was _selected_ just like all the others? She is as good as any other operative out there. And for whatever reason, no one seems to believe it. She was chosen, out every single kid on the entire planet, for a purpose. There is something special within her. Something unique. Something that is truly, purely her. And nobody else.

And someday, someday soon, she will show everyone what that purpose is. Not just the adults who often ignore her presence in battle, focusing on her teammates instead. Not just the other operatives who she knows view her as the fifth wheel of an otherwise flawless group. Not just her teammates who she knows would never, _ever_ admit it but just might feel the same way. Everyone. Every last person will know just what she can do.

But, until that day comes, she will giggle, smile, wave, sing, cry, skip, cuddle, dance, rage, and love.

While holding back the screams of a person _so_ misunderstood.

* * *

**A/N: Angsty Kuki? Gasp. "Seventeen Ain't So Sweet" by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus :D**


	3. Bomb

**Bomb~**

_If I had to choose a way to die_  
_It'd be with you_  
_In a goose bump infested embrace_  
_With my overanxious hands cupping your face  
_

* * *

By the time he accepts it, he doesn't see much a point in admitting it.

Because they are getting so _old_.

He watches in horror as she ages. She suddenly has a waist, long legs, a secretive smile. And she is beautiful.

The day he notices that he is actually, finally taller than her, he wants to puke. He doesn't want any of this. He doesn't want his voice to go all gravelly; he doesn't want to be tall, if it means losing her.

They have so little time left.

He says the reason is because there is no point. But, it is really because he is afraid he might end up remembering while she forgets. He does not want to remember being with her. He would much rather remember never having had her. Even though he wants more than anything ever to call her his.

She flicks that long, long hair over her shoulder and giggles. She is practically a woman. Certainly she is no longer a girl. No longer a child. And that means absolutely nothing good for them.

For the first time, he finds himself thinking how lucky it is that he is the older of the pair. When did he become such a coward? It must have something to do with all this _growing up_.

He thinks of his time left like the countdown on a bomb and he hopes that as those numbers get precariously close to 0, he does not do anything he will later regret.

Because, he knows he will want to. So badly.

* * *

**A/N: "So Much" by The Spill Canvas. I don't like this one as much as the others, but the song was screaming "WALLY AND KUKI!" at me. **


	4. Reality Check

**Reality Check~**

_Frantically searching for her_  
_Inside my head she's somewhere  
_

* * *

When he sees her walking, he finds himself stopping in a hallway _full_ of people, turning, and staring. A slow motion double take. She doesn't walk as much as stroll. Or saunter. It's definitely a saunter.

Naturally, his teenage mind takes note of the slight swing of her hips as she _saunters_ through the hall. And the way her long, long braid swishes back and forth, skimming the curve of her waist. And that _skin_, like chocolate. He imagines it tastes as good as it looks.

An unwelcome voice enters this perfect fantasy world he has created, "Man, you are hopeless."

He closes his eyes, shakes his head, even snaps his goggles against his forehead for good measure. _Where on Earth had that come from?_

When he opens his eyes again, the girl is gone. He begins to take mental notes. Blue shirt, white pants? Or was it white shirt, blue pants? And she was wearing some kind of hat, right?

He finds himself unable to remember the girl. But, "Man, you are hopeless," keeps replaying itself in his mind. The voice has a husky, warm feel to it. If voices can saunter, this one does. And oddly, he finds himself thinking about chocolate.

He has no idea whose voice it is.

* * *

**A/N: Meh, I don't impress myself. We Intertwined by The Hush Sound. Next up: Rachel! Probably**


	5. Cowardice

**Cowardice~**

_Erase myself_  
_And let go of what I've done  
_

* * *

Looking back to the moment Rachel had come and asked her to be the Supreme Leader, she knows why she said yes. She hadn't been able to explain later that day. When she was faced with the horrified faces of her teammates, who were devastated by the idea of losing someone again. But, now, _now_ she knows exactly why she looked into the other girl's brown eyes and nodded her head.

She could just _see_ that Rachel was done, that she no longer had it in her. That the other girl had made too many unforgiveable mistakes. She could see it in her eyes, in her stance, in her presence. Rachel did not command respect in that way, she could not play the part any more.

One day, she realizes that she feels the exact same way. And, since she does not want to force this job that she never really wanted on anyone else, she calls a game of tag. And then she hides, ashamed.

She knows that if any of them, 2, 4, 3, find her. It will end in tears. And heartbreak. Always so much heartbreak.

She does not want to tell them but she really just _cannot_ do this anymore. She feels old, tired, guilty. Guilty that she was never the kind of leader he was, guilty that she had let down so many friends throughout the years. And above all, guilty that she had stood by that day, _so_ helpless, weak, and watched them change her best friend indefinitely. He might be gone forever, but the vision would never truly leave her. Sadly, these things outweigh the positives. Her love of the organization, her friends, her heart. These pains run _so_ deep.

She has never been the type to forget things. A grudge holder, promise keeper, loyal friend. She knows it is pathetic and cowardly, but she simply cannot live with these memos of failure.

At noon, the cursed position will claim its next victim. The next child that will feel unworthy, unable, not enough. And she will be just another kid who did not make it through to the end.

* * *

**A/N: OK, so obvs not Rachel. Its Abby. A point was made that I had the rest of Sector V, so of course we needed some 5. The Song is What I've Done by Linkin Park. Appearing soon will be Rachel, Fanny, and maybe Cree (gasp!). Thanks for all the reviews!**

**~Terra**


	6. Messy

**Messy~**

_Driving away from the wreck of the day_  
_And it's finally quiet in my head_  
_Driving alone, finally on my way home to the comfort of my bed_  
_And if this is giving up, then I'm giving up  
_

* * *

The first person she shares her intents with is Numbuh 5. The dark skinned girl gives a pretty good argument, but in the end she nods he head yes. She has found her replacement.

And then, she tells Fanny. Who of course is _furious_. The red head rants and raves and maybe even cries (she still can't be totally sure), but in the end she drops her chin to her chest sadly and says, "I'll miss you, sir." She has broken her best friend's heart.

Next is Harvey. Her baby brother, the one person _on Earth_ she trusts with all her being. The buck-toothed child is speechless for perhaps the first time in his life, but in the end he stands on tip-toe and wraps his arms around her shoulders, an extremely out of character move. She has deserted her brother.

There is one more person she longs to tell. But she cannot, and nothing has ever hurt her more than that. It has affected her focus, her work ethic, her _self_. Take, for example, her reaction the last time Father had threatened Moon Base. "Get Numbuh 1 up here, stat!" She doubts her ability to ever forget the look that passed over 86's face at those words (_Sir..._).

They all think she is crazy. And they all think she is making a _mess_.

And so, she is going to do what any other confused, sad, _pathetic_ girl would do. She is going to quit. She knows they will blame her, mock her, _hate her_. And she knows how unforgivably wrong it truly is. But she doesn't care anymore. She finds herself completely unable to care. She finds herself numb.

She is nearly twelve years old and has been taught how to clean up her own messes. But this mess is too big for her. And she would prefer to leave it for someone else. Someone who can still care.

To be done with all of this. All of this loss, all of this craziness, would be a dream come true. She can no longer pretend that these things are not real. This is not a game. But even if it was, she wouldn't want to play. She wants out. And she wants out now.

She can't help but feel liberated by the notion that she can leave if she wants to. The end is so near she can taste it. The taste of ignorance couldn't possibly be any sweeter.

* * *

**A/N: Wreck of the Day by Anna Nalick. Yay! For Rachel!**


	7. Traitor

**Traitor~**

_There's a consequence_  
_For the path you chose_

* * *

She was good at what she did. She was excellent at what she did. She was _the best_ at what she did. She was the best fighter in the whole entire Kids Next Door. Hand-to-Hand Combat was her game. And she would make sure no one ever took that away.

They seemed like they had the right idea. Keep the memories, keep fighting. But she knew how wrong it was. She had been around long enough to notice the looks the passed over faces when the word 'rogue' entered a conversation. Or 'traitor'.

So, at first she said no. She had too much to lose. Abby looked up to her and, while she would dread forgetting Maurice, she couldn't dishonor him like that. She spent all of her time, those dwindling days, preparing Abby to take over the sector. Abby was much too young to lead a sector.

She panicked. That was the best way to put it, the only way to put it. She scared and unwilling and _just a child_ for God's sake.

That morning, the fateful morning that would change her forever, a morning she could never take back, she placed a piece of Abby's favorite candy next to the cap that had previously been hers, knowing that the little girl would never again ask any favors of her, and she called the number that she had been given.

They had known who it was the moment they picked up. They had known she would do this. Betray her sister, friends, allies. She wasn't quite sure what that said about her. All she knew was that she would never have to forget what a great thing she had been part of. She would never forget her baby sister, her best friend, the greatness that was Sector V, how to take out four enemies at once. All of it, everything, would be hers for the keeping.

And, then, she realized that no one would want to remember these things with _her_. But, it was already much, much too late.

* * *

**A/N: Oh Cree. There isn't much fanfic written about her and I like her and this song fit her so here we are. Anyway, I don't know if this makes sense to anyone except me. It's kind of like Cree didn't think as much about everyone hating her as she did about keeping her memories. And she got mad because everyone would hate her and then comes the Cree we all know and love. Song = Represent by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. They apparently make good KND-y songs. **


	8. Behold

**Behold~**

_My friends are all dying_  
_And death can't be lying_  
_It's the truth and it don't make a noise  
_

* * *

Everyday day she has to tell herself that what she is doing is not wrong. Every single day. Because she knows some kids approach the chamber like they are approaching an execution. And she is the executioner.

Deep down, she knows that it is not that big of a deal. Decommissioning has to happen. It's always happened. That's just the way it is. But, when kids truly believe that who they are will die in that chamber, doesn't that make it true?

Is death in the eye of the beholder?

She can't be sure. But she knows that these people, who she may or may not know, come out so much different than they went in. And she has always felt so responsible. No one has ever pointed a finger in her direction, no one has ever said, "You. You are the cause." She knows they do not blame her, but she often feels like she would. If she were them.

The moment the words leave the lips of her best friend- the only best friend she has _ever_ had- her head shakes. Back and forth like a _goddamn_ pendulum. No, _no_, **no, **_**no**_**, NO! **She can do it to faceless kids. People she might've maybe seen around moonbase or arctic base once or twice, but probably not. But she cannot, _cannot_, do it to this girl.

She is afraid that if she does it, she will know that it is wrong. That what she does is _kill_, day in and day out. As her job. So, for once in her life, she breaks down and tells Rachel this, all of it.

And, to her surprise, the blonde girl smiles a grim smile. "That's fine by me," she whispers.

At that moment, she realizes that death _is_ in the eye of the beholder. Truly. After so many years of servitude and struggle, there are those who embrace it. And there are those who don't. There are those who want it, those who welcome death with open arms. And there are those who fight death with everything they've got and everything they've ever had.

Rachel does not scream.

* * *

**A/N: Ohhh Fannypants. White Moon by The White Stripes**


	9. Unbeatable

**Unbeatable~**

_Ours is a family that's based upon tradition_  
_But with my careless words I tread upon your vision._  
_Are five kids better than one, who'd busy like to be gone?_

* * *

They were children. When everything else was stripped away, at their core, they were children. Despite all the things that they did, fighting, conserving, loving. It was all nothing more than a game to them. They were youth. And they held the whole world in their small palms.

Their world was divided; black and white, old and young, right and wrong, win and lose. And there was only one way to see it, theirs. These kids had all the time in the world; no one else stood a chance.

* * *

1.

He was their leader. Red, strong. A boy of paradox, he fought for everything that belonged to kids, but inside his head the brain of an adult whirred. He was never devoid of a plan, even though it often seemed that way. But, he was a dreamer. Nothing was too big for him to wrap his mind around. Nothing was impossible, unlikely. If there was any semblance of proof, it simply _was_.

2.

He was the inventor, the pilot, the brain. Blue, hopeful. Without him, there wasn't much. No weapons, no transport, no _victory_. This boy made things happen. He could look at a hamster and see a power source, look at a gumball machine and see a weapon. Look at the world and see every single possibility. And when he looked to the sky, he could see himself written in the endlessness.

3.

She was the sunshine. The optimism. Green, free. The thing that was able to keep them going no matter who truly impossible it seemed. But, she was also a secret weapon. Because, if there was one thing this girl loved, it was her team, her _family_, and no one was allowed to get in the way of that. She spent most of her time smiling, but when those eyes enflamed, nothing good was on the way.

4.

He was the fighter. Orange, caution-inducing. There was nothing more gratuitous than a fallen enemy, nothing more fulfilling than a good jab to some loser's gut. No one would ever call him smart, or quick, but if there were two things he got, they were battle and teamwork. And there wasn't much else in the job description.

5.

She was the reason. Blue, calm. She kept the leader's mind grounded, the inventor literally grounded, the sunshine's rays subdued when necessary, the fighter's temper quieted. Spy was her title, but she spent significantly more of her time keeping her teammates in check. She was the reasoning behind every plan, every mission, every idea. And she was the reason they _always_ came out on top.

* * *

Their enemies stood together. Only because they knew that what these kids had was an unbeatable force. A team so carefully selected that there was no piece missing, no loophole that led to victory. When the illustrious Sector V stood together, nothing else was in their path. Because they were children. They were youth. And all they needed was each other.

* * *

**A/N: Stuck In The Middle by Mika. This one is long...and kind of weird. But, underneath the song line in the word doc I had written "SECTOR V FTW!" so...I thought it was deserving. I don't really know what's next...possibly another Nigel. **


	10. Spaces

**Spaces~**

_You lie awake at night_  
_With blue eyes that never cry_  
_All you remember now_  
_Is what you feel  
_

* * *

She'd seen a boy that day. A boy who had actually made her feel. A boy whose smile made her heart stop point-blank. And she'd walked right past him.

She can't say why exactly. But, she might've been afraid. It'd been so long since she'd felt anything at all. She wasn't sure she liked it.

All that blonde hair. That casual gait, shoulders rolled forward, head down. And then his head had lifted, hair was flicked away from clear, bright eyes. He had smiled, showing a row of perfectly white teeth.

There's a void in her mind. A hole where there should be something; memories, she supposes. And that smile, from the blonde-haired boy, had threatened to fill it. She thinks about that sometimes, what used to be there. But, it has been empty so long that she fears what had previously filled her mind. It was probably taken from her for a reason.

She wishes it had been removed more precisely. Because then she would not have all these unexplainable feelings. She would not feel abandoned when she saw a pair of sunglasses. She would not giggle when she saw an airplane. She would not feel safe when she touched a stuffed toy. She would not feel protected by girls with braids. She would not feel at home anytime she stood close to a tree.

And she would not want to give bone-crushing hugs to blonde-haired boys that she'd never met.

But, these are feelings she cannot stop, and they have become like memories to her. Filling the spot where real memories should be.

* * *

**A/N: I'm feelin' Kuki. But, it's up for interpretation. Feel the Silence by The Goo Goo Dolls**


	11. Oblivious

**Oblivious~**

_And the harder they hit me_  
_The less I seem to bruise_

* * *

He stood on tiptoe and wrapped his arms around his older sister's shoulders. Because, even though his mind was screaming at him (_get off get off get off_), even though he had spent his entire life in her much too large shadow, he loved her more than anything. She was there for him _always_ and he would be there for her. They were all each other had.

After it happens, he can't stand looking at her; she's just _so_ oblivious. He stops looking at her.

He blames the higher-ups. 86, 5, 1. Especially 1. But, instead of quitting or turning traitor, he works harder. Completing mission after mission after _mission_. Until Numbuh 84 can barely flick his yo-yo and 83 is so tired she doesn't _care_ how dark it is and 85 stops smiling. And then (_"For good measure," he says) _they do one more.

Numbuh 83 becomes the bearer of bad news. _("Harv- I mean, 363, sir? I got a call from Global Command earlier, and…")_ He's too unpredictable, too temperamental, too _everything_. And nobody is willing to take the time with him. There is nobody to stick up for him anymore. His teammates are stuck between loving their friend and hating their leader.

And _Rachel_, Rachel who pulled countless strings to get him into the KND in the first place, Rachel who always gave him the benefit of the doubt, Rachel who told off anyone who spoke ill of him, she was gone. Just a girl who woke up, went to school, fell asleep, and started the whole thing over the next day.

And that was all because of Numbuh 1. But, he found that instead of hating Nigel Uno, he desperately wished that the boy had never left. Because then there would still be someone to go to bat for him.

There isn't though. And as he looks around at the organization he had _begged_ his sister to get him into, he is not able to see why he had done that. They served him the short end of the stick _every single time_.

_(Well, not anymore)_

Harvey McKenzie wakes up one morning and smiles at his sister. They go to school. Then they come home.

* * *

**A/N: It's missing something at the end. I know it is. But, anyway, inspiration goes to blueskiesahead for her series on Sector W and Numbuh Phenon because his favorite part of "Messy" was the Harvey part (hence the beginning of this one). Silent Sea by KT Tunstall**


	12. About a Kid

**About a Kid~**

_Pulls her hair back, as she screams_  
_"I don't really wanna live this life"  
_

* * *

Nigel Uno was a great kid. A brave kid. A smart kid. She met him in kindergarten. In days when she was happy and nice and he had the _coolest_ head of hair you'd ever seen. No lie.

He'd had this air about him that made you simply _know_ he'd do great things someday. She'd immediately jumped on his bandwagon, intent on going along for the ride.

No one had ever warned Lizzie that things could be too great. Bigger than any you ever could've imagined. She wished someone had because that's exactly what happened. Nigel's life became something she couldn't even wrap her head around.

He told her once that it was against the rules for Kids Next Door operatives to be "involved" with one another. Lizzie thought this is a dumb rule, because these kids were borderline undateable for anyone else. No one likes to be forgotten, neglected, dumped for a secretive, dangerous, insane life.

She gets it now. And she never truly hated him. Lizzie's life isn't much bigger than school, friends, and clothes. Nigel and all those other kids have something so much larger than that and just as she cannot grasp their lifestyle, they cannot fathom hers.

One day, Nigel disappears and Lizzie barely bats an eyelash. He was much too bright to live the life of an earthly being, anyway.

Nigel Uno was a great kid. A brave kid. A smart kid. But Lizzie knew plenty of those. Even ones that weren't part of that crazy organization that took normal, adjusted boys and turned them into deranged workaholics who believed anything they were told. So life could go on.

* * *

**A/N: Because it has been oh so very long. And Steph asked for Lizzie...I think. Meet Virginia by Train**


	13. Letting Go

**Letting Go~**

_I don't know what it means_  
_But I've been wondering_  
_Who let you go?_

* * *

A girl stared at him today. For a long time. It was more than a little weird, really.

He was attractive, and he knew it. Not in a conceited, major jerk sort of way. There was just a hint of acceptance. He'd been blessed with golden blonde hair and piercing eyes and height that caused people to constantly crane their necks to get a better look at him. Girls stared at him. And often did more than just that. And those were the straight-up facts.

But this girl and this stare were different. It was more like a glare. Like she had a reason to hate him. Be mad at him. He'd smiled anyway, unsure of how else to respond to this girl's gaze. As she brushed past him, her long, long black hair tickled his arm slightly.

About 3 seconds later, he realized he shouldn't have let her go. _Again_, his mind added. But he'd never seen her before, never heard her voice, didn't know her name. His mind was insistent that this was not the first time this girl had walked past him with a flick of dark hair.

He stood stock-still on the side walk, debating whether he should run after her. Make her smile, watch it spread up into those hate-filled eyes, beautiful. Make her laugh, listen to the pretty melody of it, unique. Ask her name, make it roll off his own tongue, perfect.

Of course, he can't remember why he let this girl go in the first place. Assuming that actually happened. There was probably a good reason, if it did. So, he turns back in the direction he was heading, eyes to the ground, shoulders rolled forward, strolling.

The green sweater that swallowed her body filled his thoughts, bothering him, for _days_.

* * *

**A/N: So, this would be Wally's side of Spaces. It's OK, I guess. Thanks for all your reviews on the last drabble :D Who Let You Go by The Killers**


End file.
